The Lonely Hearts Club

Yea, it’s that time of year again. Of course, not everyone’s going to be playing the game of love this Valentines’ Day.

Even some of TV’s finest and prettiest are facing a tub of Ben and Jerrys and microwave meal for one tonight. So we’ve decided to give them a helping hand and increase their chances of being struck by Cupid’s arrow in the near future… Any takers?

Santana Lopez – Glee


Fiery Latina cheerleader seeks the Clyde to her Bonnie. Must love Breadstix, dastardly schemes, duets and the occasional menage-a-trois. The faint of heart need not apply.

Manny Delgado – Modern Family


Pint-sized, cuddly Romeo seeks mature lady for salty hot chocolate drinks, romantic walks and long talks about vampire novels. If you’re bella and looking for your very own Edward, look no further. Like Mr. Cullen, I have the face of a baby and the mind of a much older man.

Ted Mosby* – How I Met Your Mother


Could you be the future Mother of my children? Architect/Ivy League lecturer WLM a young lady with a talent for the bass guitar, and a penchant for yellow umbrellas, Gabriel Garcia Marquez and Irish bars.

Rajesh Koothrapalli – The Big Bang Theory


Exotic slumdog astrophysicist seeks sweet girl for snuggles and romcom marathons. Words may not be my strong point, but give me a mimosa, and I’ll spice up your life.

Damon Salvatore – The Vampire Diaries


Short, dark and handsome immortal hopes to open heart and sprawling mansion to a beautiful brunette ingénue. Evil twin/doppelganger a must. Knowledge of Civil War history and a way with mixing good stiff drinks a bonus.

John Casey – Chuck


A man by any other name would be just as tough. I save lives for a living and trim Bonsais for fun. You’ll be statuesque, just a little sneaky and able to handle my constant overtime, 20something daughter, and habit of adopting new personae.

Eric Van der Woodsen – Gossip Girl


Upper East Side boy seeks boy from either side of the tracks for friendship, and hopefully more. You won’t mind putting the past behind us and seeing past idle gossip, while I’ll take you to the best parties in town.

Eric Northman – True Blood


Thousand-year-old Viking with excellent business acumen and a closetful of tracksuits WLM blonde, gap-toothed waitress with bad Southern accent and a drop of fairy blood. Psychic powers desirable, but you don’t have to be able to read my mind to know exactly what I want.

Hannah Marin – Pretty Little Liars


Can you keep a secret? If you tell me yours, I might just tell you mine. I’m blonde, beautiful inside and out, and a massive Bieber fan. I’ll Never Say Never to the right guy.

Seeley Booth – Bones


FBI agent/former sniper seeks justice and a stunning woman who wants to put a ring on it.  Must love Chinese takeaways, children, hard liqueur, late nights and have a strong stomach for gore.

*Yea, yea, I know all about that annoying blonde House-reject that is ostensibly Ted’s new squeeze. But if I pretend she doesn’t exist, hopefully she’ll go away soon.

3 thoughts on “The Lonely Hearts Club

  1. Pingback: Spread the love « Pop Culture Playpen

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